Anyone who has had the displeasure of flying in or out of London, specifically LHR, knows that it rarely is a pleasant experince. But behold! The brand new 4.3 Bn GBP Terminal 5 will cure all problems. A marvel of mediocre British engineering, T5 is a spawling glass and steel structure that lets in vast amounts of natural light, because if the UK is known for anything, it's definitely the sunny weather. Cheer up: it has lots of shops where you can waste what little money you have left, and there is even a restaurant featuring dishes by that insipid twat Gordon Ramsey. Two weeks ago, T5 was paid a visit by none other than her Royal Highness Queen Elizabeth II - of course it wasn't actually open then because if it was, she might bump into commoners, or even worse, someone from Wales. When T5 finally opened, things ran smoothly for all of ten minutes. How is it doing now you ask? Hmm ... well, not so good. Lets run down the numbers, shall we?:
Number of unique airlines: 1 (British Airways)
Number of days open: 3
Number of flights cancelled: 206
Number of bags delayed: 15,000
Number of bags lost: 2000
Number of passengers affected: 16,000
Number of information desks: 26
Number of information desks actually open: 2
Market rate for one hotel night in USD: 400
Projected compensation for passengers by BA in USD: 4,000,000
Percentage of baggage handling staff trained: 50
Such levels, er depths, of incompetence can only be acheived by a few gifted individuals; I'm thinking Pats and Eddie have found a new line of work.
2 comments:
Holy crap, could you be more down on England?
Wow - Mr. Negative Pants
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